It is time for our Summer Monastic Experience once again so I headed to our monastery in Tucson, Arizona on Monday for this vocation event. Wanting to travel as cheaply as I could, I had to fly EAST out of Kansas City in order to reach my destination in the SOUTHWEST. (I'm sure some of you have also experienced the intelligent logic that goes into these cheaply offered airline routes) My route took me to lovely O'Hare airport in Chicago where after a 1 1/2 hour delay due to mechanical problems, I finally boarded a plane to Tucson landing around 12:30am (Clyde, Missouri time). The community here was kind enough to excuse me from Vigils and Lauds the next morning, We Benedictines do have a heart!
It has been over 100 degrees here the past couple of days so in order to get some exercise in without succumbing to heat stroke, I got up at 5am Wednesday morning to take a good 45 minute walk down 3rd street towards the University of Arizona. This is a fairly quiet road because traffic is somewhat limited and the houses are quaint with southwest architecture and many beautiful desert plants. Of all things, I am most intrigued by the doors I see on these houses. These are not your ordinary white or brown doors you see in the Midwest but come in bright blues, greens, reds, etc. Doors symbolize for me the unknown and mystery. When I see an interesting door, it makes me want to open it up to see what's beyond. If the door is interesting, surely the inside is too...doors can also be FRIGHTENING and sadly doors can be shut in our faces.
Over the years I have been told by a couple of vocation prospects that when they came to the monastery to visit for the first time, they were afraid to come in so they sat out in the parking lot for awhile debating whether or not to go up the stairs and knock on the front door or turn around and go home. Or some have been known to pull into the parking lot and pull right out again and go drive around the neighborhood before working up the courage to knock. This does not surprise me because I was the same way when I first started visiting religious communities. I visited a cloistered Carmelite community and rang the bell and waited. As I stood there I said to myself, "This is crazy, I can just leave now and they will never know who I was!" (I did in fact stay and visit after the door was answered, and it wasn't as frightening as I thought it would be :)
Fears are normal when considering religious life. In fact, anyone who doesn't have any fears is a little suspect. Crossing the threshold into religious life is a big undertaking and should stir up a little fear and trembling.
We may need to pray for the courage to just go up to the door and knock.
Knocking is free after all. And if Jesus comes knocking on YOUR door, make sure you answer it!
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