Saying yes is hard to do

Last Monday I commented on how Joseph got his life turned upside down by Mary’s announcement of an unexpected pregnancy.  Now today, we go to the actual event itself.  Again, Mary wasn’t planning on this happening to her, either.   She had to do some quick discerning, though.   She even had the audacity to question the angel.  But would anyone really turn down an angel that appears to them? 

We can be grateful that for most of us who have felt a call to religious life, we are given time, we don’t have to say an immediate ‘YES’!   For me, it was more of an immediate ‘NO’!  Imagine telling God, ‘NO’.  But, that is what I did.  I suppose we will have a good laugh together when we meet in eternity.  Although, sometimes I think I hear God laughing even now….  I’m not the first person to tell God ‘no’.  We have several examples from scripture.    Moses is one of my favorites; he kept saying, “send someone else”, when God spoke to him in the burning bush. 

Convent life wasn’t in my plans.  It’s a good thing God is patient.  It took a year of wrestling back and forth with the idea of being a sister before I finally gave in and hunted up a spiritual director to help me.   God has a way of wearing you down even if you aren’t open originally to his plan.

The question has certainly been asked over the centuries - what would have happened had Mary said, ‘No’?   I wonder if God had a plan B just in case.   Imagine if we had the kind of relationship with God where we could say ‘yes’ pretty much instantly every time we were given insight into what God is asking of us, no matter how difficult or confusing it might seem to us. 

Hmmm….maybe I should consider if there is anything I’m saying ‘no’ to God about right now.   He’s going to win in the end anyway!

    

Discernment as a continuous Lent - Part 5

Today we celebrate the solemnity of St. Joseph.  Talk about a guy whose world gets turned upside down!  He appears to have his life together, he’s engaged, has a job, has plans...and then his fiance drops a bombshell on him.   

Getting a call to religious life can feel somewhat similar.  You might have plans; you’re on your career path; you know what you want out of life.  And then....something happens...and suddenly your future isn’t so assured and you have these nagging questions.   I’ve known women who have been in serious relationships or even been engaged only to have the religious call intervene.  I’ve known women who have finished a degree and fully expected to go out job hunting but then realize there is something else knocking on the door of their heart.  

God has to get our attention in some way to assure us what our path should be.  For Joseph it was a dream that would tell him it was okay to take Mary into his home.  I envy Joseph, one dream and he seems okay to follow wherever God leads him.  My dreams are usually rather bizarre and not as easy to interpret!  However, our dreams can tell us a lot about what is sitting below the surface of our consciousness and this can be a help in discernment some times.  We have to be open to whatever avenue God may use to help us in our discernment.  We also have to realize that what may look initially like ‘bad news’ may in actually turn out to be a bigger blessing than what the original outlook may have been.  

I sometimes wonder how much St. Joseph had to do with my own vocation.  Back when I was 25 I was trying to figure out what to do with my life and I happened across a 30 day novena to St. Joseph that I thought I would use to get some heavenly help.  It was in the midst of that novena that I felt the strongest pull towards God I have ever experienced and set me on the path to discerning religious life. 

So...try asking St. Joseph for a little help, he must have been confused about what to do in his life too!

Discernment as a continuous Lent – Part 4

Our Gospel reading from this 3^rd Sunday of Lent (John 2:13-25) is about Jesus cleansing the temple of the money changers and animals being sold for sacrifice.  When someone is discerning a call to religious life, there are often areas in her life that need to be cleared out.   A lot of times what needs to be cleared out is fear. 

I was ‘afraid’ when I was discerning religious life.  I tended to be the type of person who needed security…needed to be totally sure this was the right thing to do.  It was hard for me to step into the unknown.   If I made the decision to enter, I wanted to be assured that in 20 years I would still be happy.   I often prayed, “God, why can’t you just ASSURE me this?”

I think God must just laugh or smile a lot when I pray things like that.  The only guarantee God makes is that He will be with me.  God has made no promises that just because I’m a Sister, my spiritual life is going to be wonderful all the time or that my community is always going to be happily living with each other with no conflict.  It’s the times when I’m afraid to take a step forward that I need to ask Jesus to, yes, get out the whip, and help me drive this stuff out. 

In our Gospel the disciples recall the words from scripture as they reflect on this action of Jesus, “Zeal for your house will consume me.”  I had to let my zeal for desiring God overcome my fears about entering.   Fears and doubts are inevitable but you cannot let them paralyze you.

Discernment can seem like a continuous Lent - part 3

I have to admit, the story of Abraham almost sacrificing his son Isaac, which we heard yesterday at Mass for the second Sunday of Lent, is one of my least favorite scripture passages.  I don’t like the idea of God asking Abraham to kill his son.  Historically, we don’t know what really happened, but in the story handed down to us - Abraham at least thought God was asking him to do this.  It certainly would have been common among his Canaanite neighbors.

So what does this have to do with discerning a religious vocation?  It can feel like God is asking us to give up our own Isaac as we ponder religious life.  Have you said to God, “No, I can absolutely not give THAT up!”  It might be the idea of getting married and having children.  It might be the idea of giving up a flourishing career.  It might be the thought of leaving family and friends behind.  One of my Isaac’s was giving up my independence.  You mean I’m supposed to be obedient to someone else?

The point of this story about Abraham is not about God demanding something horrible and totally un-Godlike.   The point is Abraham’s obedience to God.  It is his willingness to return everything God had given him, including his only son.  This is what we are supposed to learn from.

If asked to give up our Isaac for a religious vocation, God will return the hundredfold.   We cannot outdo God in generosity.