Family Ties

After last week’s looonnnngggg meetings, I headed north to Omaha, Nebraska on Saturday to attend my brother John’s ordination to the permanent diaconate for the archdiocese.    I have 2 older brothers; Philip who is 6 years my elder and John who is 1 1/2 years older.     I ended up being the youngest and the only girl and I tell my brothers my parents stopped having children when they reached ‘perfection.’   Funny, they don't seem to agree with that...

As I sat in the pew at St. Cecilia’s Cathedral and watched my brother and 11 other men promise obedience to the bishop, completely prostrate themselves before the altar, receive the laying on of the hands and be vested with their stole and dalmatic, I realized what a blessing it has been to grow up in a faith-filled family.   I’m not sure if I, or my brother would have even heard a call and chosen to follow the consecrated path were it not for the faith that our parents instilled in us as we grew up.

Discerning a call to serve as a deacon involves not just the individual but their whole family.  John has a wife and 4 children ranging in age from 9 – 20.   I am sure each of those 12 men would have stated that without the support of their wives and family, they wouldn’t be standing up there to receive ordination.

Sadly, not all families are supportive of religious vocations.   Many of the young women I talk to struggle with their family not accepting their desire to pursue religious life.  Years ago when couples had large families there seemed to be no problem with 1 or 2 kids becoming a religious.  In today’s culture, when there are only 1 or 2 kids in the family, it seems to be harder for parent’s to encourage their children in a religious vocation.  If you are a parent it’s hard not to want grandchildren.   Parent’s DO want what is best for their kids and it can be hard for them to see a life of celibacy, poverty and obedience as being best for their child.   After all, who would REALLY choose that?

Women who have converted from another faith tradition or who are the only members of their families still a practicing Catholic, also have a hard time helping their families understand why they would want to do something as illogical as join a monastery!  It takes a great deal of courage to stand up against the often negative comments that are hurled their way.  One of our sisters who grew up Jewish and converted in her early 20’s had to go to the airport in New York alone when flying out to Missouri to enter because her family didn’t approve.    Tears can still come to her eyes when she tells that story.  One sister who grew up Baptist was disowned.

I have been told and observed this in my own time here that when families come to visit the monastery and meet the community and see their daughters as happy, fulfilled women, some of the doubts begin to slough off.  Maybe they still don’t understand and perhaps never will, but there does become more acceptance that this life isn’t so bad after all.  

Parents can’t live their children’s lives for them.  Many older women who call me say they had thought of religious life when they were younger but were talked out of it.   If you are a woman who struggles with family issues, remember this passage from Mark, chapter 3:  “When his relations heard of this, they set out to take charge of him; they said, “He is out of his mind.”  You are in good company!   All you can do is pray for grace and wait patiently.   If the call is authentic, it will overcome all things.

It would have been hard to think of my goofy brother when growing up as doing something like becoming a deacon.  But I suspect he would say the same thing about my becoming a Benedictine sister.  God's grace is certainly surprising...