Nuns and Kids

I had the great pleasure of driving back up to the plains of Nebraska again this last weekend to attend the high school graduation of my nephew Greg.   My two brothers both had 4 kids apiece and managed to pretty much space them out every 2 years.   Thus I have been heading back to Elgin, NE every other year in May since 2004 to join the family in kicking another 18 year old Starman out of the nest.  

Having chosen to be celibate, (or rather being chosen by God to be celibate), I have not experienced the joys of motherhood.   Thanks to my brothers, though, I have experienced the joys of aunt-hood.  I was the type of aunt who when I walked into the house, bedlam usually ensued.  I would chase the little kids around the house, get them all stirred up and screaming...just in time for bed!  And perhaps an accidental bruise was acquired from running into a wall or a piece of furniture in all the excitement.  Thank God kids get over those things quickly! As they got older, I would take them out on adventures such as canoeing.  My sister-in-law would tell me before our trips, “Just bring them back alive, Ruth.”

My standard line to my brother when one of his little ones was throwing a temper tantrum was, “And THIS is why I’m celibate!”  But when they would smile their charming smiles and snuggle up with me, then it was harder to say celibacy is a good thing.

Celibacy is not an easy vow to live out.  Many women struggle with the thought of never having a husband and children.  Some struggle with it more than others.  The most difficult time for me was when I reached my late 30’s and was pondering final vows.  I heard the door clanging shut and had to ask myself, “Are you sure you can do this?”  

To be a successful celibate one HAS to have a deep, abiding relationship with Jesus Christ.   However, it can be hard to love someone without any skin.   When one is in a desert time of the spiritual journey and not experiencing God as near, then one just has to keep choosing it again and again.  I’ve observed many marriages where the romantic love has died away but the couples were continuing to choose to love each other instead of looking for greener pastures.   And let’s face it, greener pastures still have to be mowed!  Love, once the beautiful feelings disappear, really is a choice and an act of the will in hard times. 

I think I’m going to miss not being a grandmother more than not being a mother.   Grandmothers, from what I observe, seem to have more fun!