Beacons of Hope

It’s hard to write a blog after a horrible crime is committed.  Twenty-six people getting massacred, most of them little children, has cast a pall over our nation.  Ironically, the 3rd Sunday of Advent which we just celebrated is called Rejoice Sunday.  The reading from Philippians is especially appropriate to be read on this day:  

“Rejoice in the Lord always; I shall say it again, Rejoice!  Your kindness should be known to all.  The Lord is near.  Have no anxiety at all, but in everything with prayer and petition and thanksgiving, make your requests known to God.  Then the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

It was pretty hard to feel like rejoicing anywhere after learning what transpired in an elementary school in Connecticut on Friday.  There are no good answers to any questions we might have about why this happens - especially this one - how could God let this happen?  or where was God in all of this?

I do believe that what helps us ‘see’ God’s presence in all of this is when a father of a 6 year old girl who was killed can say, “I’m not angry...I’m sad.”  

...or when people gather to pray at Vigil services or make-shift shrines on the lawn of the local Catholic church.  

...or when prayers come in from children in Pakistan who can sympathize with the pain.

We have a custom of lighting a star on our water tower beginning the first Sunday of Advent until Epiphany.  As one of our local cooks said to a sister once, “ You sisters are that star to us.  You are a beacon of hope and goodness.”

I wandered out to look at that star this evening.  You can see it from the highway 3-4 miles away.  The ‘real’ stars were overhead in bright array.  I’m going to use an old cliche here but during the winter in Clyde, Missouri the stars are so bright you can reach out and touch them.  A small group of five of us ventured out last Thursday night to view the meteor shower from the top of our hill.  It was freezing cold but it was worth a few numb fingers to catch a glimpse of their beauty.    It is a beauty that is very short lived so one must be alert.  But many of them elicited 'oohs' and 'ahhs.'  Things that are most fragile are the most beautiful because we know they won’t last.  

It has to be dark for us to see the beauty of the stars.  Too much light hides the beauty during the day.   

The only way to survive the darkness in our lives is to be beacons of hope to each other.  And that is where God will make himself known.  

Advent is not about the shopping days left

I love the season of Advent.   I have come to appreciate and understand it more since I entered the monastery 19 years ago.   Before that, I was aware the month before Christmas was called Advent but I really didn’t pay much attention to it.  There was some thing called a Jesse Tree in church (a dead tree branch with what I couldn’t tell - hanging on it)...maybe an Advent wreath...but  Advent was more about the shopping days left until Christmas instead of anticipating the Messiah.  Plus you could watch a 24 hour marathon of “It’s a Wonderful Life” or “The Christmas Story” on TNT on what is now known as Black Friday.  

That all changed after I became a postulant.  The first adjustment I had to get used to is NO decorating for Christmas before Dec. 17th.  That was the monastic way of trying to keep Advent as Advent.  I was used to a world of 24 hour Christmas music; putting up the tree shortly after Thanksgiving (so you could enjoy it longer - somehow it doesn’t occur to people to keep the tree up longer AFTER Christmas for that same reason); hanging lights all over the house; shopping for presents...it seemed a little scrooge-like to not anticipate Christmas like the secular world I was used to.  So,  over the years I would put up little things in the privacy of my bedroom where no one would see.  I would have my little nativity set on the top of my bookshelf by Dec. 6th.   Sometimes I would even turn on the lights in my window before the specified day to which novices (whom I should have been setting a better example for)...would shake their heads.  

It was when I began to experience Advent as a liturgical season that I grew to love it for its own sake.  I fell in love with the daily readings at Mass, especially the ones from Isaiah which are so prevalent and speak of deserts blooming and the blind seeing and the lame leaping. 

As a postulant I discovered a book that I have since gone back to many times called “The Reed of God” by Caryll Houselander.  She describes Advent as “the season of the secret - the secret of the growth of Christ - of Divine Love growing in silence...if we truly have given our humanity to be changed into Christ, (that’s what I thought I was doing by entering a monastery) it is essential to us that we do not disturb this time of growth.  It is a time of darkness, of faith.  We shall not see Christ’s radiance in our lives, yet; it is still hidden in our darkness.  Nevertheless, we must believe that He is growing in our lives and believe it so firmly that we cannot help relating everything, literally everything, to this incredible reality...”

“...We are too impatient, a seed contains all the life and loveliness of the flower but it contains it in a little hard black pip of a thing which even the glorious sun will not enliven unless it is buried under the earth.  There must be a period of gestation before anything can flower.”

I know in my own life I want to go straight to flowering.  Skip the gestation or keep it short!  Advent reminds me every year that is not how the Holy Spirit works. 

Rosa knocks on the chapel door during
the ritual for entering postulants

We had the happy event of having Rosa Cruz enter the postulancy on December 2nd, the first Sunday of Advent.  A fitting time to begin religious life, I think.  Advent marks the beginning of the new Church Year and the postulancy a beginning in monastic life.  Both events are filled with expectancy, eagerness, and the joyful hope that God's promises to us will be fulfilled.

And by the way...I am getting much better about waiting until Dec. 17th to decorate for Christmas, even in the privacy of my own bedroom, over the past 19 years!

Thanksgiving and Black Friday at the Convent

Usually the Wednesday before Thanksgiving is full of hustle and bustle in our convent kitchen.   Different sisters sign up to make some particular item for the meal itself.   In years past I have volunteered to make the turkeys.  We used to do four  twenty-four pounders back when we had 50 – 60 sisters here.   Have you ever tried to stick 24 pounds of fowl into an oven bag?  

It is extremely hard to do by yourself.  I would holler at whoever happened to be passing by to help out.  This year, however, a  friend of the community donated smoked turkeys for our meal.   We also had the usual traditional meal:  mashed potatoes, cranberries, stuffing and of course pumpkin or pecan pie. I am grateful that God has called so many women who are good cooks to our monastery!

Some of the sisters watch the Macy’s parade in the morning and football in the afternoon.   Probably a good many of us took a nap sometime between doing dishes and Vespers.  You  may have heard that eating turkey makes you sleepy because it contains the amino acid L-Tryptophan.   I must admit it’s very handy in our cyber age to be able to ‘google’ things to see if they are accurate or not.   I’m not sure I would have sauntered over to the local library to check into that.  My query produced an article that says turkey has no more tryptophan than other foul and slightly less than chicken.   When was the last time you ate a chicken breast and felt sluggish?   So, another myth bites the dust.

Sisters on Black Friday hurrying into
chapel instead of the stores!

Do we go shopping on Black Friday?  Are you kidding?  One would have to be nuts to go shopping on Black Friday!  Every Friday (and for that matter, every day) is black for us, it’s the color of our ‘habits!’  

I just read on nbcnews.com where a record 247 million shoppers opened their wallets this weekend.  Online shopping on Black Friday topped 1 billion dollars.  Sadly, stores are now opting to be open on Thanksgiving instead of waiting for Friday for their sales.    It’s when I read this stuff that I am especially glad I live in a monastery or I might be caught up in that same nonsense.  In the future is Thanksgiving dinner just going to be what you drop in for between your shopping trips to the stores?

The Friday after Thanksgiving is always a leisure day at our place.  So my black Friday consisted of a nice relaxing morning after Lauds and Mass and then I watched my Nebraska football team beat Iowa.  (It would have been a black Friday indeed if they had lost!)  I followed that with a walk in the brisk air (the wind chill was around 15 degrees) that afternoon with one of my sisters.  Now I tell you, does that not beat getting up before the crack of dawn to go stand in line with other people at your local Wal-Mart?   Lest I forget, one of the best things about the Friday after Thanksgiving is the left-overs!  

One of the best things about Thanksgiving is that it means Advent is just around the corner.  Advent has become my favorite liturgical season.  I especially love the readings from Isaiah in the liturgies.  They are full of hope which is something our world needs these days! 

Gambling and a widow's mite

As a good Benedictine I’m trained in lectio divina.  The danger of doing lectio every day with scripture is that over the years, the stories become very familiar.  So familiar in fact, that while I may read them and listen to them as they are read, I can often tune them out.  So as I settled into my ‘lectio chair’ early this morning, I had to consciously tell myself to “pay attention!”

I spent time with the 1st and 2nd reading from the Sunday liturgy and then turned my attention to the Gospel reading from Mark.  It’s the familiar story of the widow’s mite:

And He sat down opposite the treasury, and began observing how the people were putting money into the treasury; and many rich people were putting in large sums.  A poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which amount to a cent. Calling His disciples to Him, He said to them, “Truly I say to you, this poor widow put in more than all the contributors to the treasury; for they all put in out of their surplus, but she, from her poverty, has contributed all she had, her whole livelihood.”

I was struck with that last phrase, “her whole livelihood”.  As a vocation director, I often think it terms of discernment - it’s a job hazard.   I thought to myself that in a sense, 19 years ago I had given up my whole livelihood and tossed it into the ‘treasury’, a.k.a. religious life in my case.   My livelihood at that time was my job, a car, (luckily I didn’t own a house) and I moved away from dear friends and family.   I didn’t know when I entered that I would make it.  I would have to start over again if I didn’t.  I wasn’t a destitute widow as in our Gospel but I was stepping into a great big unknown.   In my more dramatic moments it was like stepping into the great abyss.

Entering religious life is a gamble.  I have gambled with my life instead of playing the ponies or heading to the nearest Riverboat Casino.  (which for us is 45 miles away on the Missouri River near St. Joseph, not that I’ve ever stopped, but I have passed the sign!)  Who knows what I may have done, the places I would have traveled to or who I may have married had I not followed those whisperings I heard in my heart from God.  

I have put my whole life down on the bet that God is worth my walking this monastic journey.  A whole lot of people would say that wasn’t a very good wager.  I suppose I won’t know for sure until I’m dead, but I’d rather put my trust in God than in anyone else...especially in politicians!

So if you are discerning religious life, a question I have for you is:  are you willing to hand over your whole livelihood and put it in the 'treasury'.  Are you willing to gamble and bet on God?  He is PROBABLY holding a Royal Flush in his hand so he WILL win in the end!

Hurricanes and God

"Unthinkable Devastation" reads the headline on CNN.com as I check on the latest update on Hurricane Sandy.  Other sub-headlines:

7.5 million without electricity

New York's worst storm ever

New York subways flooded

Many still trapped

We can be grateful in our modern times that at least we knew it was coming and could prepare somewhat for it.  But we are never REALLY prepared to see the kind of destruction mother nature can unleash.  And even in the midst of the best precautions, people can still get hurt or die.  

Our world is a dangerous place to live.

I often wonder when a terrible natural disaster takes place where God is in all of it.  I can tick off a few in recent memory:  the tsunami in the Indian Ocean in 2004 was a heartbreaker - over 250,000 people died;  Hurricane Katrina in 2005 and the earthquake/tsunami off the coast of Japan in 2011.

I ran across an interesting book a few years ago that tries to make some sense of it all.  It's called Creation Untamed, the Bible, God and Natural Disasters by Terence E. Fretheim.

His premise is stated like this:  "God created the world good, not perfect.  For most people, perfect means something like "without fault, defect, or inadequacy, or in no need of improvement or development to be what it truly is."  The word 'good' however is different in its basic sense and needs closer attention."

He starts with the basic creation text from Genesis.  "Several clues in the text demonstrate that 'perfect' is not the appropriate way to assess the creational situation.  For one if the creation were perfect, how could anything go wrong, such as is reported in the chapters that follow?"

He also talks about the mess of creativity.  "Mess is the precondition of creativity.  Risks abound in every creative enterprise; indeed, risk is essential to the meaning of creativity.  Out of the mess, love and beauty and peace often slowly emerge.  To be a creator entails an almost infinite tolerance of messiness, of inefficiency.   The moment that tidiness and strict orderliness become the rule of the day, creativity is inhibited and the appearance of the genuinely new slows way down.  Natural disasters come into view!"

"God as it were does not paint by numbers.  God gives to creation the continuing capacity not only to be itself, to become what it was created to be, but also to develop into something more."

I think all of the above is food for thought.  Think of the beauty of Crater Lake in Oregon that was created because of volcanic activity thousands of years ago.  Or the crushing ice during the ice ages that carved out canyons of great beauty.

However, none of this is consoling if your house has just been destroyed by a hurricane.  But what I see happening here in the Midwest during this time are trucks leaving Kansas City stocked with food items, water and other essentials heading east to help those in need.  And this is happening all over.  If nothing else, disasters like this certainly remind us how much we humans need each other.  And perhaps for a little while, all our little petty problems get put into perspective.  

Our prayers go out to all in harm's way!

Doing nothing...

Clyde has lots of beautiful maples

October is one of my favorite months.  I love the chill in the air...the explosion of colors as trees prepare to shed their leaves...the harvest of crops carefully tended over the previous months.

It is a month in which I like to make my retreat.  Every year each sister in our community gets 8 days of retreat.  We can choose to make a preached retreat or a private retreat; stay at home or go elsewhere.  We relish in the solitude and silence afforded to us at this time.  I was supposed to be making retreat in a house high on Mt. Lemon in Arizona this week but because of my back injury, my plans had to change.   While that is disappointing, I am more grateful that I can walk almost normally again!   So disappointment has been transformed into gratitude and I am making my retreat here in the comfort of my own monastery in Clyde. 

Retreat for me is about having large blocks of unstructured time in which to do...nothing. 

This does not mean I become some sort of sloth hanging from a tree.  Doing ‘nothing’ is about taking time to notice what God has put in front of me.   (so maybe in that sense I should be a sloth and just hang around enjoying the NOW)   It means I can actually sit down and watch the leaves leap from the trees without worrying that I need to be somewhere else.   Watching them fall always reminds me about the importance of being able to let go - a very important part of the spiritual life and any discernment process.  This season must end.  It’s time to shed what needs to be shed and rest for a time before the new growth begins again.   I might as well enjoy that brief dance on the wind in the midst of letting go!

Retreat means putting myself out of reach...to others but not to God...no checking e-mail...no cell phone...no talking.  Try going 8 days without talking to anyone...it's wonderful when you get used to it.

      

Retreat means I can sit outside as the sun is setting and feel the day turn into night.  It happens very subtly...to notice it takes time and attention...something I probably don’t do on a daily basis.    My patience was rewarded a couple nights ago with a spectacular magenta explosion on the western horizon.  Beauty that is fleeting and will fade is the most precious.   Why do I not take time more often to notice?  I let busyness get in the way. 

Normally I do lots of hiking/walking during my retreat.  This year I just have to take slower walks...which as it turns out...is probably better.  I can often be in a hurry to see the next vista or what’s around the next curve.  This year I am spending more time at the ‘stopping places’ to ponder and praise.

I spend time outdoors because it’s always been a place where I could quiet my soul and it’s always been a place for me to study the artistry of God.  I, for one, cannot look at the beauty in nature and not think there is a Creator behind it.  To have just happened on it’s own because of evolution over time is not a sufficient answer for me. 

As a biologist, I learned about trees, chlorophyll production and why leaves turn color in autumn.  It is my FAITH, however, that causes me to be amazed and awed by the beauty of reds, yellows, rusts, oranges and browns in what is normally green...and to give thanks for it.   

You know what is the best thing about making retreat in October this year?   For 8 days I can be out of reach of negative political ads that tell half-truths.  Now that is worth turning everything off for!

The Year of Faith

The Year of Faith kicked off this past Thursday, Oct 11.  It is the 50th anniversary of the beginning of Vatican II and the 20th anniversary of the most recently published Catechsim.   So...just what is a Year of Faith?  The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops explains:

The upcoming Year of Faith declared by Pope Benedict XVI is a “summons to an authentic and renewed conversion to the Lord, the One Savior of the world” (Porta fidei 6). In other words, the Year of Faith is an opportunity for Catholics to experience a conversion – to turn back to Jesus and enter into a deeper relationship with him. The pope has described this conversion as opening the “door of faith” (see Acts 14:27). The “door of faith” is opened at one’s baptism, but during this year Catholics are called to open it again, walk through it and rediscover and renew their relationship with Christ and his Church.

Every baptized Catholic is called through baptism to be a disciple of Christ and proclaim the Gospel. The Year of Faith is an opportunity for each and every Catholic to renew their baptismal call by living out the everyday moments of their lives with faith, hope and love. This everyday witness is necessary for proclaiming the Gospel to family, friends, neighbors and society.

or if you want to know everything there is to possibly know, and I am SURE you do, you can go to the official home page for the Year of faith http://www.annusfidei.va/content/novaevangelizatio/en.html

One of the things we Catholics are encouraged to do during this year is read the Catechism.  As I was nosing around on Fr. Robert Barron’s website http://www.wordonfire.org, I found a great link to help study the Catechism this year http://www.flocknote.com/catechism.  When you subscribe, you get an e-mail each day with a portion of the Catechism and so in 365 days, you will have read the entire book.  Now that doesn’t sound too difficult so I signed up.  I have read portions of the Catechism but not the whole thing straight through.

As an interesting historical note, our sister archivist shared with us what our community did back on October 11, 1962.  

We rose at 2:30am this morning in order to have the community Mass at 3 am - in Rome this was 11am and the opening Mass of the Ecumenical Council was being celebrated...we had the votive Mass of the Maternity of Mary.  May she who is the Mother of the mystical Body help us her children to achieve that unity so desired by her Divine Son.  At 9 o’clock this morning all our tower bells rang for 10 minutes to signal the beginning of the Council.  We could hear the echo from the Conception Abbey bells and though our hands were busy with the 65 bushels of pears needing attention at the canning, our thoughts were in Rome, praying the Holy Spirit to hover above all the proceedings.

Our community has talked about some things we might want to do for the Year of Faith and I’m so glad one of them was NOT that we get up at 3am like we did 50 years ago!  :)  One of the first things we are going to do is watching some footage from the opening and have our elder sisters share what it was like for them to live through that time.  In various discussions before the Council actually convened, Pope John XXIII often said that it was time to open the windows of the Church to let in some fresh air.  Those of us who are post Vatican II will never be able to quite comprehend the impact it had on our church and the excitement it generated at that time.  

It has also been a walk in faith as I recover from my back injury 3 weeks ago.  I have faith that it WILL get better but it just isn't happening as quickly as I want it to!   My physical problem is peanuts compared to what a lot of people go through.  It is surely an act of God's grace when people can retain their faith in the midst of incredible suffering and tragedy.   As we begin this Year of Faith I'm going to strive to be thankful for the gift of faith I do have and ask for perseverance in the midst of this sometimes crazy world.

The hunchback of Clyde, MO

I took an unexpected hiatus from my blog when I injured my back 2 weeks ago on Saturday.   I wasn’t lifting correctly and my back proceeded to let me know it!  I thought it would be okay, it’s not the first time I’ve done something I shouldn’t have, but when I woke up Sunday I was in agony.   By Tuesday I was at the emergency room begging for any sort of pain killer they might be willing to give me.   A CT scan revealed a bulging disc.  Needless to say I spent most of that week flat on my back laying on my bed in my bedroom.   Sitting was nigh on to impossible so even trying to work in my office was out of the question.  

That gets boring after awhile...staring at the ceiling...watching the light from the window increase and fade as day turns into night and vice versa.  Kind sisters would bring up meals for me and attend to my needs. 

What does a Sister do when laid up?  Ideally, you would think she would have more time to pray but in reality, if you don’t feel good or you are in pain it’s hard to concentrate and pray.  My prayer was an ‘offering up’ of my pain for the suffering Body of Christ and an occasional  Rosary or Divine Mercy chaplet.  It would feel good to just hold the beads in my hand, even if I couldn’t concentrate on any words.  I also have a little wooden cross that is meant to be held in your hand when you can’t pray with words.  It’s edges are soft and it’s shaped to ‘fit’ your hand...sometimes just holding that was my prayer.  

I spent a lot of time listening to NPR, EWTN radio and read a lot of books.    I thought with all this available time I might as well start on some Classics I've always wanted to read.  They had to be light paperbacks because I was flat on my back holding them above me.  (not easy to do for a long period of time but it did get me through some rather sleepless nights) 

So I started with The Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo.   (One of my sisters laughed at the irony of the title with my own back situation, it WAS rather amusing) I moved on to One Day in the LIfe of Ivan Denisovich by Alexander Solzhenitsyn and waded through Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte.   For some reason I had picked tragic tales...or perhaps a lot of the Classics ARE tragic tales...but I slipped in Catholicism by Fr. Robert Barron for more uplifting reading.  I highly recommend his book or his DVD series and his website. 

Every time I’m laid up with sickness or injury I tell myself I will never take my health for granted again.   And that’s true immediately after my recovery but then it’s not long before I have forgotten.  That’s typical...our life resumes its normal course.   I’m in good shape, I expect to get my former life back!   

But I’m hoping, at least for awhile, that I will take noticeable joy in being able to walk pain free, relishing each step instead of just rushing down the hall in order to get to my office, chapel or wherever I am supposed to be next.  Living mindfully is difficult, it takes practice, and it is probably brought to our attention mostly when we get knocked off our feet for awhile.   So, I can at least be grateful for that particular lesson from these past 2 weeks.   I'm just sorry it usually takes a 'crisis' to remind me!

The Rule of Benedict and Honey Nut Cheerios

We have a custom at our monastery in Clyde, MO to have a portion of the Rule of St. Benedict read after Lauds (morning prayer) by the prioress.   There are 73 chapters to the Rule and because it is a 6th century document, some of the chapters are pretty strange to our ears.   Sr. Pat has been reading chapter 59 - The offering of children by nobles or by the poor - the last couple of days.  

To give a little background - the dedication of children to God by their parents, the choosing of their professions and the selection of their marriage partners was a common practice for centuries and still is in some parts of our world.  The gifting of a child to a monastery, in particular, was believed to assure the salvation of the parents as well as the child.  If poor people had a lot of children and worried about taking care of them all, it was a way of giving them a better life.  Not until the Council of Trent (1545-1563) did the church itself define a legal profession age.  

St. Benedict in this chapter makes the parents swear that they will never personally or through an intermediary give the child anything or afford the child the opportunity to possess anything.  Or they may make a formal donation of the property that would have gone to their child to the monastery instead.  St. Benedict’s reasoning is thus: This ought to leave no way open for the child to entertain any expectations that could deceive and lead to ruin.

Having said all this...what does this have to do with anything TODAY?   Just so you know...we don’t take offerings of children to our monastery!  

Sr. Pat in her commentary on this chapter talked about the danger of ‘entitlement’, (which is in fact rather prevalent in our society today), using the image of Honey Nut Cheerios.   We have a few cereals to choose from on our breakfast table, mostly healthy stuff like All-Bran, Shredded Wheat, Bran Buds, Corn Flakes, Cheerios and Honey Nut Cheerios - which is our only sugary cereal.  Sometimes you go to breakfast expecting the Honey Nut Cheerios to be there, but it isn’t and you wonder why not?  Egad!...did somebody make the decision to no longer purchase it?!  Why wasn’t I consulted?!   Suddenly plain Cheerios aren’t good enough any more.   

This is a little and perhaps to some, a silly comparison, but just think about your own day...what do you get upset about because it’s not there?   And if you are discerning a call to religious life, do you have some expectations about what God should be doing for you at this moment?   Do you want a little more ‘sugar‘ in your life than you sometimes get?  Sr. Pat said the way to conquer the attitude of entitlement is to change it to the attitude of gratitude.   

You know what?...plain old Cheerios will be just fine for today.  

Pioneering is not for sissies

Lake Lucern from the top
of the Musenalp

Today, September 5th, our congregation celebrates Founder's Day.   As I mentioned in last week’s blog, five intrepid sisters from the Alps of Switzerland volunteered to come to America to help teach immigrant children and start perpetual adoration in Missouri.   They left a place of great beauty to come to northwest Missouri...not exactly known world wide for stunning vistas of nature.

The sisters left their mountain abode in mid August, 1874 with the Abbot of nearby Engelberg Abbey blessing them and telling them “they would need the strong heart of a missionary and they would lose heart at all the privations and dangers they would face if they were going to America for any other purpose than the love of God.”

Their route took them to Lucerne and Basel, Switzerland and then it was on to Paris.  One of the five, Sr. Beatrice who was the chronicler for the trip, said “even nuns would be guilty of negligence if they had been in Paris without having seen the important and historic areas of the famous city.”   (I would have liked Sr. Beatrice!)  So they had a hasty tour of the more illustrious churches, the Louvre, and the Arc de Triomphe.  August 18 found them in the port city of Le Havre where they boarded their transAtlantic steamer.   They had been at sea only a few hours when everyone but Sr. Beatrice suffered from seasickness.   After 4 days, most of the passengers had recovered but dreary, foggy weather contributed to a feeling of abandonment and depression.

On August 31, 1874, they landed in Hoboken, New Jersey.  Immediately they were overwhelmed at the rush, haste, and confusion of this new land.  Nothing was calm or restful.  On September 2nd they boarded the train for St. Louis where they arrived on the 4th.  They then boarded the train that would take them to their destination in Maryville, MO where they arrived at 6pm on September 5th only to be greeted by...no one....since the Benedictine monk who was supposed to meet them had forgotten the date of their arrival!  

A German who happened to be at the station took them to the Catholic church where the astonished priest welcomed them to his rectory.  The accommodations were cozy to say the least...it was a flimsy wooden structure, housing the pastor on the first floor and the five sisters on the second, which was two rooms in an attic without windows or ventilation.  The first several years were difficult to say the least.  In a letter dated May, 1875, Mother Anselma wrote home to Switzerland:  “If Fr. Adelhelm would not take care of us and some people bring us food to eat, we would be poorly off...from these lines of mine you can guess that all kinds of trials are waiting for us.” 

original farmhouse convent at
Maria Rickenbach, Switzerland

What I learn from these pioneer tales is that one has to not be afraid to set off for ‘distant shores’ when called by God.  Or rather, one must set off anyway in spite of fears!  Discernment is very similar.  We have a final destination but it’s rather vague and the journey there will most probably not be easy.  If the five sisters could have seen into the future the deprivations and hardships, perhaps they would never have left their beautiful mountain home.  I had the privilege of visiting our founding monastery in Switzerland in 2007, I’m astonished they left that place of beauty at all.  Look at this picture to the left...would you leave that to come to Missouri, USA????  

I think that is why God keeps us in the dark about the details of our spiritual journey, we would chicken out.  However, there are ‘Paris’ moments along the way where we will ‘see’ things we never thought we would.  Sometimes we’ll just be plain ole seasick.   Sometimes, those people we expect to be there for us leave us hanging...but then someone else comes along to help us.  

Basically, anybody who enters religious life is becoming a ‘founder’ of the future.  God DOES promise to be with us...but there can be deprivations and trials along the way.  As Mother Theresa was known to say, "God does not ask us to be successful, but to be faithful."   I often pray to our pioneer sisters to help us as we continue to found our own future here in 2012.   Mother Anselma, Sr. Beatrice, Sr. Adela, Sr. Agnes, Sr. Augustine - PRAY FOR US!  I'm sure they would help you to, if you just ask...tell them I sent you...

Nothing is too much for Jesus

Mother Anselma Felber

We will celebrate our Founder’s Day next week on Sept. 5th.   This past Sunday, August 26th, marked the anniversary of the death of our founding superior - Mother Anselma Felber in 1883.  As I read her story in our necrology book, I thought I would share some of our history in this blog.  The story of our pioneer sisters always makes for interesting reading.   Five brave souls left Switzerland in 1874 to trek across the ocean in order to start a fledgling community.   They were members of Maria Rickenbach which was devoted to Perpetual Adoration and had itself been founded about 17 years previous.  

There were 13 sisters in the young community when Anna Elizabeth Felber entered in 1859.  She was only sixteen at the time and not strong.  But she was determined and deeply devoted to the Blessed Sacrament.  Her father was a school caretaker and her mother had died when she was very young.  This is how she is described in our necrology - Her sterling character and virtuous life, enhanced by a good education and many talents, were to make her a real asset to the community.  Particularly useful was her skill in embroidery and fine sewing for the making of church vestments and linens.

She received the name Anselma at first profession and expressed her gratitude in this prayer: “O Jesus, how can I contain all the joy you are lavishing on me?  Give me the grace to be a worthy spouse and to love our Holy Rule as the way you want me to come to you.  O Jesus Eucharistic, set my heart on fire with love of you in your most Holy Sacrament.  For Jesus, no sacrifice would be too great, no labor too strenuous, no suffering too severe.  Only two years after her profession she was appointed sub-prioress and faithfully fulfilled that office for twelve years.  

In 1874, she and 4 other sisters were chosen to answer the call from the new foundation of brother monks at Conception, MO for help in the ‘new land’ teaching the local immigrant children.   America was mission territory at that time.  At the age of 30, Anselma was appointed the superior for the new community.  One of the four was 35 and the rest were in their 20’s.  Mother Anselma's dream was to have Perpetual Adoration in America which she thought was even more necessary than schools.  Prior Frowin Conrad from Conception had written to Switzerland as they prepared for their trip - “But they must not expect too much and I hope their zeal is greater than their expectations!”

I think this last line is worth pondering...if we try something out and it doesn’t meet our expectations right away, today’s culture would just say, move on to something else.  The problem can be with having the wrong expectations and it can also be not having enough ‘zeal.‘   In discerning religious life, zeal is an important aspect of whether or not someone stays the course or not.  Expectations can be dashed in the reality of our human frailty, but zeal can help us stay on the path because that zeal is rooted in desiring to do the will of God and wanting to deepen our union with God.  

Like our pioneer sisters who faced hardships we have never had to, zeal is what can sustain us in our own trials and hardships.     

Mother Anselma, sadly, would only live 9 years in the new land.   In early August of 1883, the community's chaplain, Fr. Pius, became very ill with typhoid fever.   Mother Anselma came down with it on the 13th and succumbed on the 26th.  Rumor had it that Mother Anslema had offered her life as a sacrifice for the recovery of Father Pius.  If so, it would seem that the sacrifice was accepted, for Father Pius recovered shortly after.  

"Nothing is too much for Jesus," Mother Anselma had written earlier to Maria Rickenbach and it was a fitting epitaph for her.  She gave her whole life to the Benedictine Sisters of Perpetual Adoration endeavor.  Thanks to her zeal, we are still here 138 years later!

I vow to Almighty God...

Sr. Nancy Rose

This past week I was reminded of the vows I took many years ago as I committed to this monastic way of life.  Our junior sister, Nancy Rose, renewed her vows at Vespers last week and two brothers at nearby Conception Abbey professed Solemn Vows.  Most religious communities profess the more well known vows of poverty, chastity or celibacy, and obedience.  These three are also called the evangelical counsels.  We Benedictines take the following three vows:  stability, conversatio and obedience.  (The latin term conversatio is translated fidelity to the monastic way of life.)   

Why the difference?  In chapter 58 of his Rule (which was written in the 6th century), Benedict says in vs 17:  “When she is to be received, she comes before the whole community in the oratory and promises stability, fidelity to monastic life, and obedience.”   So historically, the Benedictine vows existed before what are now called the Evangelical Counsels.  

According to Wiki-pedia: 

     Religious vows in the form of the three evangelical counsels of chastity, poverty, and   

     obedience were first made in the twelfth century by Francis of Assisi and his followers, the

      first of the mendicant orders. These vows are made now by the members of all Roman 

     Catholic religious institutes founded subsequently (cf. Code of Canon Law, can. 573) and 

     constitute the basis of their other regulations of their life and conduct.

In our more light-hearted moments we Benedictines might joke and say, “you know, we never did take the explicit vows of celibacy and poverty.”  However, both of those are encompassed in the vow of conversatio or fidelity to the monastic way of life.  Traditional monastic life includes celibacy whether we explicitly vow that or not.  Poverty  in monastic life is about no monk privately owning anything and counting on the community to supply your needs.  Notice I said ‘needs’, not ‘wants.‘   I may ‘want’ to take a trip to Europe every 3 years but I know I would be turned down!

Stability is a very monastic vow which is why apostolic orders don’t take that vow.  It’s hard to be out ministering, preaching, etc. if you can’t move about from place to place.  So monks take a vow of stability to their particular monastery in it’s particular location.

Obedience is everyone’s favorite vow...NOT!  It is a tough word to swallow, especially because of our American culture that really espouses independence, being self-made, etc.  Obedience is more about our relationship with God and with each other than about simply following commands.  In other words, I do what is asked of me BECAUSE of my love for God and for my sisters.  Benedict in chapter 5 of his Rule states unhesitating obedience comes naturally to those who cherish Christ above all.   I think that is a quite beautiful statement...and I wish I could say I was there...but in reality it will probably take me a very looooonnnnngggg time to come to do it as naturally as Benedict says it could be done.   (I'm known in my family as being rather independent)

A powerful part of the ritual at the Abbey was when the two brothers prostrated before the altar and a funeral pall was placed over them symbolizing the death to their old way of life.  The church bell tolled in the background as a litany was prayed over them.  On one hand it could be a little creepy, but on the other hand, it's a powerful way to visualize the seriousness of the call and the work it takes to die to self and become a new creation in Christ.   

However, it's not just monks and sisters who are to die to their old way of life...every Christian is called to do so.   

The Perfect Community

One of the attractions to religious life is living with others who have the same values and desire to seek God.  One of the challenges when discerning religious life is finding the ‘right’ community.  There are hundreds of different communities with their own charisms.  

It’s easier to get information about communities here in the 21st century due to the world wide web.  I had to rely on people recommending communities or handing me vocation booklets/magazines where communities advertised.  I actually had to handwrite a letter, put some postage on it and walk down to the mailbox...imagine!

Sometimes discerners can be trying to find the PERFECT community.  However, spiritual directors will tell you, “If you find the perfect community, don’t enter it because you will ruin it...because you ARE NOT perfect.”  And actually, perfect communities don’t exist, just like perfect marriages/families don’t exist...there is the all too human element in these revered institutions.

I wasn’t naive at the age of 29 when I entered, but I realized I had harbored subconsciously the ideal that sisters/nuns were always kind and cheery when I was surprised by witnessing 2 sisters arguing my first week as a postulant.  But then I saw them reconciling, which was what I usually did NOT see out in ‘the world.’  I asked our maintenance man back when I was a novice if he thought we sisters were any different than regular people.  He thought about it carefully and then said, “You sisters try harder.”  

The community that is a right fit will still have people who for want of a better way to describe it are...annoying.  St. Therese of Lisieux was no stranger to this.  She writes: 

Being charitable has not always been so pleasant for me.  At meditation I was for a long time near a sister who never stopped fidgeting with either her rosary or something else.  Perhaps I was the only one who heard her but how it irritated me.  What I wanted to do was turn and stare at her until she stopped her noise, but deep down I knew it was better to endure it patiently--first, for the love of God and secondly, so as not to upset her.  So I made no fuss, though sometimes I was soaked with sweat under the strain and my prayer was nothing but the prayer of suffering.  At last I tried to find some way of enduring this suffering calmly and even joyfully.  So I did my best to enjoy this unpleasant little noise.  Instead of trying not to hear it-- which was impossible--I strove to listen to it carefully as if it were a first-class concert, and my meditation, which was not the prayer of quiet, was spent in offering this concert to Jesus.  

The beauty of living in community is that, if we let it, it can teach us to love those around us we find unlovable.  If we love those who love us, do not the pagans do the same?

John of the Cross wrote:  In the twilight of life, God will not judge us on our earthly possessions and human success, but rather on how much we have loved.  

So finding the right and perfect community is really about learning to love those you live with...which is sometimes the hardest thing of all to do!