Monday, March 12, 2012

Discernment as a continuous Lent – Part 4


Our Gospel reading from this 3rd Sunday of Lent (John 2:13-25) is about Jesus cleansing the temple of the money changers and animals being sold for sacrifice.  When someone is discerning a call to religious life, there are often areas in her life that need to be cleared out.   A lot of times what needs to be cleared out is fear. 

I was ‘afraid’ when I was discerning religious life.  I tended to be the type of person who needed security…needed to be totally sure this was the right thing to do.  It was hard for me to step into the unknown.   If I made the decision to enter, I wanted to be assured that in 20 years I would still be happy.   I often prayed, “God, why can’t you just ASSURE me this?”

I think God must just laugh or smile a lot when I pray things like that.  The only guarantee God makes is that He will be with me.  God has made no promises that just because I’m a Sister, my spiritual life is going to be wonderful all the time or that my community is always going to be happily living with each other with no conflict.  It’s the times when I’m afraid to take a step forward that I need to ask Jesus to, yes, get out the whip, and help me drive this stuff out. 

In our Gospel the disciples recall the words from scripture as they reflect on this action of Jesus, “Zeal for your house will consume me.”  I had to let my zeal for desiring God overcome my fears about entering.   Fears and doubts are inevitable but you cannot let them paralyze you.

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