Discernment can feel like a continuous Lent – part 2

Just to recap:  Our holy father St. Benedict begins Chapter 49 of his Rule with this verse –  “The life of a monk ought to be a continuous Lent.” In verse 5 he writes – “During these days, we will add to the measure of our service something by way of private prayer and abstinence from food or drink.”

One of my resolutions on Ash Wednesday was to give up flavored coffee/creamer and sugar for my 2 jolts of caffeine in a day.  I wasn't giving up coffee totally, but ordinary run-of-the mill black would have to do for the next 40 days.  I take after my father;  I need cream and sugar (in generous amounts) in my coffee and really prefer some hazelnut or French vanilla or (Egad! for coffee purists) – coffee from a cappuccino machine in a gas station.

So thus it was that I traveled to another Benedictine monastery in Pennsylvania this past weekend to attend a meeting. On the first leg of the flight from Kansas City to Cincinnati, much to my dismay, their coffee machine wasn’t working so there was no coffee available…and I had purposely not drank any coffee back at the monastery before I left. 

“Oh well, it’s Lent, I can sacrifice, “ I told myself.  On the second leg of the trip, from Cincinnati to Pittsburg, I was able to order coffee.  And of course the stewardess asked, “Cream and sugar?”  And, of course I said, “Yes.” 

Resolution gets tossed by the wayside in 24 hours.

But I had all weekend to deny myself so I wasn’t feeling too guilty.  But it was funny how almost every other ‘coffee encounter’ involved an opportunity to try a flavor I had not tried and I rationalized to myself, “I’m traveling, so it’s okay to not stick to my resolution,” etc.  Now failing at a Lenten resolution such as this is not the stuff of mortal sin.  But it did remind me how easy it is to get distracted from an original intent.   When one is just starting out on discernment, one may be zealous about wanting to spend more time in prayer, or spend time researching communities but other ‘things’ come up and it may get relegated to, “I’ll do it tomorrow.”

Authentic calls do keep coming back, even when we push them aside.  But it’s up to us to decide how long we are going to push it aside.  If you have even a tiny inkling God may be calling you to discern religious life, you might as well just start seeking information about and affirmation of the call.  No one has died of discernment…as far as I know.   Discernment will teach you a lot about yourself that you may not have known otherwise, even if you should discern you don’t have a call to religious life.

Time for another cup of coffee…black, please.