Swift, Lord, you are not

A few years back I stumbled onto some poetry by a monk named Kilian McDonnell of St. John's Abbey in Minnesota.    The following poem is one of my favorites:

SWIFT, LORD, YOU ARE NOT
("Quickly God causes his blessing to flourish."  Sirach 11:22)

This is not my experience.
You are not God at the ready.

After you set off the big bang
you invented light years, dawdling.

Dispatch you dropped down
the nearest black hole.

After the pyrotechnics of the start
you looked away, sabbathed.

When I think you are raising your arm
to stretch it out like Moses
so I can prevail over the Amalekites,
it is biblical sleight of hand.

Actually, you're raising your arm 
to fix an arrow on your bow
aimed at some interstellar gases,
storms on the sun.

Think less of galaxies.
Think small.

Then without the heavy equipment,
stoop and hasten to help me.


I like it because it is so honest.  It fact most of Fr. Kilian's poetry is very honest.  It reminds me of the bold statement St. Theresa of Avila said to God, "If this is the way you treat your friends, it's no wonder you have so few!”


Most people I talk to who are discerning religious life also experience a less than swift journey. We generally want things to move on a little quicker than they do.  Ever since microwaves and remote controls were invented, our culture has had a harder time learning to wait.

I  often hear - "If God would just TELL me what to do..."    Honestly, if God just appeared and told us exactly what to do, how open would we really be?   It would be wonderful if we could all respond like Mary, "I am the handmaid of the Lord, be it done to me according to your word."  Often there is some sort of growth or maturing that has to take place before we can give our full fiat.  God knows that better than we do and so he has to be patient with us as well.  

My community likes to know a candidate for at least a year before she enters community.  That is to give time for proper discernment and to see if that first fervor actually lasts.  Our feelings can come and go and you have to observe them over the long haul to see what is lasting and what is not.

If God can wait through 15 billion years of the universe evolving to bring us to this time and place in history, then the least we can do is patiently let our discernment journey unfold before us.