Nothing is too much for Jesus

Mother Anselma Felber

We will celebrate our Founder’s Day next week on Sept. 5th.   This past Sunday, August 26th, marked the anniversary of the death of our founding superior - Mother Anselma Felber in 1883.  As I read her story in our necrology book, I thought I would share some of our history in this blog.  The story of our pioneer sisters always makes for interesting reading.   Five brave souls left Switzerland in 1874 to trek across the ocean in order to start a fledgling community.   They were members of Maria Rickenbach which was devoted to Perpetual Adoration and had itself been founded about 17 years previous.  

There were 13 sisters in the young community when Anna Elizabeth Felber entered in 1859.  She was only sixteen at the time and not strong.  But she was determined and deeply devoted to the Blessed Sacrament.  Her father was a school caretaker and her mother had died when she was very young.  This is how she is described in our necrology - Her sterling character and virtuous life, enhanced by a good education and many talents, were to make her a real asset to the community.  Particularly useful was her skill in embroidery and fine sewing for the making of church vestments and linens.

She received the name Anselma at first profession and expressed her gratitude in this prayer: “O Jesus, how can I contain all the joy you are lavishing on me?  Give me the grace to be a worthy spouse and to love our Holy Rule as the way you want me to come to you.  O Jesus Eucharistic, set my heart on fire with love of you in your most Holy Sacrament.  For Jesus, no sacrifice would be too great, no labor too strenuous, no suffering too severe.  Only two years after her profession she was appointed sub-prioress and faithfully fulfilled that office for twelve years.  

In 1874, she and 4 other sisters were chosen to answer the call from the new foundation of brother monks at Conception, MO for help in the ‘new land’ teaching the local immigrant children.   America was mission territory at that time.  At the age of 30, Anselma was appointed the superior for the new community.  One of the four was 35 and the rest were in their 20’s.  Mother Anselma's dream was to have Perpetual Adoration in America which she thought was even more necessary than schools.  Prior Frowin Conrad from Conception had written to Switzerland as they prepared for their trip - “But they must not expect too much and I hope their zeal is greater than their expectations!”

I think this last line is worth pondering...if we try something out and it doesn’t meet our expectations right away, today’s culture would just say, move on to something else.  The problem can be with having the wrong expectations and it can also be not having enough ‘zeal.‘   In discerning religious life, zeal is an important aspect of whether or not someone stays the course or not.  Expectations can be dashed in the reality of our human frailty, but zeal can help us stay on the path because that zeal is rooted in desiring to do the will of God and wanting to deepen our union with God.  

Like our pioneer sisters who faced hardships we have never had to, zeal is what can sustain us in our own trials and hardships.     

Mother Anselma, sadly, would only live 9 years in the new land.   In early August of 1883, the community's chaplain, Fr. Pius, became very ill with typhoid fever.   Mother Anselma came down with it on the 13th and succumbed on the 26th.  Rumor had it that Mother Anslema had offered her life as a sacrifice for the recovery of Father Pius.  If so, it would seem that the sacrifice was accepted, for Father Pius recovered shortly after.  

"Nothing is too much for Jesus," Mother Anselma had written earlier to Maria Rickenbach and it was a fitting epitaph for her.  She gave her whole life to the Benedictine Sisters of Perpetual Adoration endeavor.  Thanks to her zeal, we are still here 138 years later!

I vow to Almighty God...

Sr. Nancy Rose

This past week I was reminded of the vows I took many years ago as I committed to this monastic way of life.  Our junior sister, Nancy Rose, renewed her vows at Vespers last week and two brothers at nearby Conception Abbey professed Solemn Vows.  Most religious communities profess the more well known vows of poverty, chastity or celibacy, and obedience.  These three are also called the evangelical counsels.  We Benedictines take the following three vows:  stability, conversatio and obedience.  (The latin term conversatio is translated fidelity to the monastic way of life.)   

Why the difference?  In chapter 58 of his Rule (which was written in the 6th century), Benedict says in vs 17:  “When she is to be received, she comes before the whole community in the oratory and promises stability, fidelity to monastic life, and obedience.”   So historically, the Benedictine vows existed before what are now called the Evangelical Counsels.  

According to Wiki-pedia: 

     Religious vows in the form of the three evangelical counsels of chastity, poverty, and   

     obedience were first made in the twelfth century by Francis of Assisi and his followers, the

      first of the mendicant orders. These vows are made now by the members of all Roman 

     Catholic religious institutes founded subsequently (cf. Code of Canon Law, can. 573) and 

     constitute the basis of their other regulations of their life and conduct.

In our more light-hearted moments we Benedictines might joke and say, “you know, we never did take the explicit vows of celibacy and poverty.”  However, both of those are encompassed in the vow of conversatio or fidelity to the monastic way of life.  Traditional monastic life includes celibacy whether we explicitly vow that or not.  Poverty  in monastic life is about no monk privately owning anything and counting on the community to supply your needs.  Notice I said ‘needs’, not ‘wants.‘   I may ‘want’ to take a trip to Europe every 3 years but I know I would be turned down!

Stability is a very monastic vow which is why apostolic orders don’t take that vow.  It’s hard to be out ministering, preaching, etc. if you can’t move about from place to place.  So monks take a vow of stability to their particular monastery in it’s particular location.

Obedience is everyone’s favorite vow...NOT!  It is a tough word to swallow, especially because of our American culture that really espouses independence, being self-made, etc.  Obedience is more about our relationship with God and with each other than about simply following commands.  In other words, I do what is asked of me BECAUSE of my love for God and for my sisters.  Benedict in chapter 5 of his Rule states unhesitating obedience comes naturally to those who cherish Christ above all.   I think that is a quite beautiful statement...and I wish I could say I was there...but in reality it will probably take me a very looooonnnnngggg time to come to do it as naturally as Benedict says it could be done.   (I'm known in my family as being rather independent)

A powerful part of the ritual at the Abbey was when the two brothers prostrated before the altar and a funeral pall was placed over them symbolizing the death to their old way of life.  The church bell tolled in the background as a litany was prayed over them.  On one hand it could be a little creepy, but on the other hand, it's a powerful way to visualize the seriousness of the call and the work it takes to die to self and become a new creation in Christ.   

However, it's not just monks and sisters who are to die to their old way of life...every Christian is called to do so.   

The Perfect Community

One of the attractions to religious life is living with others who have the same values and desire to seek God.  One of the challenges when discerning religious life is finding the ‘right’ community.  There are hundreds of different communities with their own charisms.  

It’s easier to get information about communities here in the 21st century due to the world wide web.  I had to rely on people recommending communities or handing me vocation booklets/magazines where communities advertised.  I actually had to handwrite a letter, put some postage on it and walk down to the mailbox...imagine!

Sometimes discerners can be trying to find the PERFECT community.  However, spiritual directors will tell you, “If you find the perfect community, don’t enter it because you will ruin it...because you ARE NOT perfect.”  And actually, perfect communities don’t exist, just like perfect marriages/families don’t exist...there is the all too human element in these revered institutions.

I wasn’t naive at the age of 29 when I entered, but I realized I had harbored subconsciously the ideal that sisters/nuns were always kind and cheery when I was surprised by witnessing 2 sisters arguing my first week as a postulant.  But then I saw them reconciling, which was what I usually did NOT see out in ‘the world.’  I asked our maintenance man back when I was a novice if he thought we sisters were any different than regular people.  He thought about it carefully and then said, “You sisters try harder.”  

The community that is a right fit will still have people who for want of a better way to describe it are...annoying.  St. Therese of Lisieux was no stranger to this.  She writes: 

Being charitable has not always been so pleasant for me.  At meditation I was for a long time near a sister who never stopped fidgeting with either her rosary or something else.  Perhaps I was the only one who heard her but how it irritated me.  What I wanted to do was turn and stare at her until she stopped her noise, but deep down I knew it was better to endure it patiently--first, for the love of God and secondly, so as not to upset her.  So I made no fuss, though sometimes I was soaked with sweat under the strain and my prayer was nothing but the prayer of suffering.  At last I tried to find some way of enduring this suffering calmly and even joyfully.  So I did my best to enjoy this unpleasant little noise.  Instead of trying not to hear it-- which was impossible--I strove to listen to it carefully as if it were a first-class concert, and my meditation, which was not the prayer of quiet, was spent in offering this concert to Jesus.  

The beauty of living in community is that, if we let it, it can teach us to love those around us we find unlovable.  If we love those who love us, do not the pagans do the same?

John of the Cross wrote:  In the twilight of life, God will not judge us on our earthly possessions and human success, but rather on how much we have loved.  

So finding the right and perfect community is really about learning to love those you live with...which is sometimes the hardest thing of all to do!

Swift, Lord, you are not

A few years back I stumbled onto some poetry by a monk named Kilian McDonnell of St. John's Abbey in Minnesota.    The following poem is one of my favorites:

SWIFT, LORD, YOU ARE NOT
("Quickly God causes his blessing to flourish."  Sirach 11:22)

This is not my experience.
You are not God at the ready.

After you set off the big bang
you invented light years, dawdling.

Dispatch you dropped down
the nearest black hole.

After the pyrotechnics of the start
you looked away, sabbathed.

When I think you are raising your arm
to stretch it out like Moses
so I can prevail over the Amalekites,
it is biblical sleight of hand.

Actually, you're raising your arm 
to fix an arrow on your bow
aimed at some interstellar gases,
storms on the sun.

Think less of galaxies.
Think small.

Then without the heavy equipment,
stoop and hasten to help me.


I like it because it is so honest.  It fact most of Fr. Kilian's poetry is very honest.  It reminds me of the bold statement St. Theresa of Avila said to God, "If this is the way you treat your friends, it's no wonder you have so few!”


Most people I talk to who are discerning religious life also experience a less than swift journey. We generally want things to move on a little quicker than they do.  Ever since microwaves and remote controls were invented, our culture has had a harder time learning to wait.

I  often hear - "If God would just TELL me what to do..."    Honestly, if God just appeared and told us exactly what to do, how open would we really be?   It would be wonderful if we could all respond like Mary, "I am the handmaid of the Lord, be it done to me according to your word."  Often there is some sort of growth or maturing that has to take place before we can give our full fiat.  God knows that better than we do and so he has to be patient with us as well.  

My community likes to know a candidate for at least a year before she enters community.  That is to give time for proper discernment and to see if that first fervor actually lasts.  Our feelings can come and go and you have to observe them over the long haul to see what is lasting and what is not.

If God can wait through 15 billion years of the universe evolving to bring us to this time and place in history, then the least we can do is patiently let our discernment journey unfold before us.