Nothing is too much for Jesus

Mother Anselma Felber

We will celebrate our Founder’s Day next week on Sept. 5th.   This past Sunday, August 26th, marked the anniversary of the death of our founding superior - Mother Anselma Felber in 1883.  As I read her story in our necrology book, I thought I would share some of our history in this blog.  The story of our pioneer sisters always makes for interesting reading.   Five brave souls left Switzerland in 1874 to trek across the ocean in order to start a fledgling community.   They were members of Maria Rickenbach which was devoted to Perpetual Adoration and had itself been founded about 17 years previous.  

There were 13 sisters in the young community when Anna Elizabeth Felber entered in 1859.  She was only sixteen at the time and not strong.  But she was determined and deeply devoted to the Blessed Sacrament.  Her father was a school caretaker and her mother had died when she was very young.  This is how she is described in our necrology - Her sterling character and virtuous life, enhanced by a good education and many talents, were to make her a real asset to the community.  Particularly useful was her skill in embroidery and fine sewing for the making of church vestments and linens.

She received the name Anselma at first profession and expressed her gratitude in this prayer: “O Jesus, how can I contain all the joy you are lavishing on me?  Give me the grace to be a worthy spouse and to love our Holy Rule as the way you want me to come to you.  O Jesus Eucharistic, set my heart on fire with love of you in your most Holy Sacrament.  For Jesus, no sacrifice would be too great, no labor too strenuous, no suffering too severe.  Only two years after her profession she was appointed sub-prioress and faithfully fulfilled that office for twelve years.  

In 1874, she and 4 other sisters were chosen to answer the call from the new foundation of brother monks at Conception, MO for help in the ‘new land’ teaching the local immigrant children.   America was mission territory at that time.  At the age of 30, Anselma was appointed the superior for the new community.  One of the four was 35 and the rest were in their 20’s.  Mother Anselma's dream was to have Perpetual Adoration in America which she thought was even more necessary than schools.  Prior Frowin Conrad from Conception had written to Switzerland as they prepared for their trip - “But they must not expect too much and I hope their zeal is greater than their expectations!”

I think this last line is worth pondering...if we try something out and it doesn’t meet our expectations right away, today’s culture would just say, move on to something else.  The problem can be with having the wrong expectations and it can also be not having enough ‘zeal.‘   In discerning religious life, zeal is an important aspect of whether or not someone stays the course or not.  Expectations can be dashed in the reality of our human frailty, but zeal can help us stay on the path because that zeal is rooted in desiring to do the will of God and wanting to deepen our union with God.  

Like our pioneer sisters who faced hardships we have never had to, zeal is what can sustain us in our own trials and hardships.     

Mother Anselma, sadly, would only live 9 years in the new land.   In early August of 1883, the community's chaplain, Fr. Pius, became very ill with typhoid fever.   Mother Anselma came down with it on the 13th and succumbed on the 26th.  Rumor had it that Mother Anslema had offered her life as a sacrifice for the recovery of Father Pius.  If so, it would seem that the sacrifice was accepted, for Father Pius recovered shortly after.  

"Nothing is too much for Jesus," Mother Anselma had written earlier to Maria Rickenbach and it was a fitting epitaph for her.  She gave her whole life to the Benedictine Sisters of Perpetual Adoration endeavor.  Thanks to her zeal, we are still here 138 years later!

I vow to Almighty God...

Sr. Nancy Rose

This past week I was reminded of the vows I took many years ago as I committed to this monastic way of life.  Our junior sister, Nancy Rose, renewed her vows at Vespers last week and two brothers at nearby Conception Abbey professed Solemn Vows.  Most religious communities profess the more well known vows of poverty, chastity or celibacy, and obedience.  These three are also called the evangelical counsels.  We Benedictines take the following three vows:  stability, conversatio and obedience.  (The latin term conversatio is translated fidelity to the monastic way of life.)   

Why the difference?  In chapter 58 of his Rule (which was written in the 6th century), Benedict says in vs 17:  “When she is to be received, she comes before the whole community in the oratory and promises stability, fidelity to monastic life, and obedience.”   So historically, the Benedictine vows existed before what are now called the Evangelical Counsels.  

According to Wiki-pedia: 

     Religious vows in the form of the three evangelical counsels of chastity, poverty, and   

     obedience were first made in the twelfth century by Francis of Assisi and his followers, the

      first of the mendicant orders. These vows are made now by the members of all Roman 

     Catholic religious institutes founded subsequently (cf. Code of Canon Law, can. 573) and 

     constitute the basis of their other regulations of their life and conduct.

In our more light-hearted moments we Benedictines might joke and say, “you know, we never did take the explicit vows of celibacy and poverty.”  However, both of those are encompassed in the vow of conversatio or fidelity to the monastic way of life.  Traditional monastic life includes celibacy whether we explicitly vow that or not.  Poverty  in monastic life is about no monk privately owning anything and counting on the community to supply your needs.  Notice I said ‘needs’, not ‘wants.‘   I may ‘want’ to take a trip to Europe every 3 years but I know I would be turned down!

Stability is a very monastic vow which is why apostolic orders don’t take that vow.  It’s hard to be out ministering, preaching, etc. if you can’t move about from place to place.  So monks take a vow of stability to their particular monastery in it’s particular location.

Obedience is everyone’s favorite vow...NOT!  It is a tough word to swallow, especially because of our American culture that really espouses independence, being self-made, etc.  Obedience is more about our relationship with God and with each other than about simply following commands.  In other words, I do what is asked of me BECAUSE of my love for God and for my sisters.  Benedict in chapter 5 of his Rule states unhesitating obedience comes naturally to those who cherish Christ above all.   I think that is a quite beautiful statement...and I wish I could say I was there...but in reality it will probably take me a very looooonnnnngggg time to come to do it as naturally as Benedict says it could be done.   (I'm known in my family as being rather independent)

A powerful part of the ritual at the Abbey was when the two brothers prostrated before the altar and a funeral pall was placed over them symbolizing the death to their old way of life.  The church bell tolled in the background as a litany was prayed over them.  On one hand it could be a little creepy, but on the other hand, it's a powerful way to visualize the seriousness of the call and the work it takes to die to self and become a new creation in Christ.   

However, it's not just monks and sisters who are to die to their old way of life...every Christian is called to do so.   

The Perfect Community

One of the attractions to religious life is living with others who have the same values and desire to seek God.  One of the challenges when discerning religious life is finding the ‘right’ community.  There are hundreds of different communities with their own charisms.  

It’s easier to get information about communities here in the 21st century due to the world wide web.  I had to rely on people recommending communities or handing me vocation booklets/magazines where communities advertised.  I actually had to handwrite a letter, put some postage on it and walk down to the mailbox...imagine!

Sometimes discerners can be trying to find the PERFECT community.  However, spiritual directors will tell you, “If you find the perfect community, don’t enter it because you will ruin it...because you ARE NOT perfect.”  And actually, perfect communities don’t exist, just like perfect marriages/families don’t exist...there is the all too human element in these revered institutions.

I wasn’t naive at the age of 29 when I entered, but I realized I had harbored subconsciously the ideal that sisters/nuns were always kind and cheery when I was surprised by witnessing 2 sisters arguing my first week as a postulant.  But then I saw them reconciling, which was what I usually did NOT see out in ‘the world.’  I asked our maintenance man back when I was a novice if he thought we sisters were any different than regular people.  He thought about it carefully and then said, “You sisters try harder.”  

The community that is a right fit will still have people who for want of a better way to describe it are...annoying.  St. Therese of Lisieux was no stranger to this.  She writes: 

Being charitable has not always been so pleasant for me.  At meditation I was for a long time near a sister who never stopped fidgeting with either her rosary or something else.  Perhaps I was the only one who heard her but how it irritated me.  What I wanted to do was turn and stare at her until she stopped her noise, but deep down I knew it was better to endure it patiently--first, for the love of God and secondly, so as not to upset her.  So I made no fuss, though sometimes I was soaked with sweat under the strain and my prayer was nothing but the prayer of suffering.  At last I tried to find some way of enduring this suffering calmly and even joyfully.  So I did my best to enjoy this unpleasant little noise.  Instead of trying not to hear it-- which was impossible--I strove to listen to it carefully as if it were a first-class concert, and my meditation, which was not the prayer of quiet, was spent in offering this concert to Jesus.  

The beauty of living in community is that, if we let it, it can teach us to love those around us we find unlovable.  If we love those who love us, do not the pagans do the same?

John of the Cross wrote:  In the twilight of life, God will not judge us on our earthly possessions and human success, but rather on how much we have loved.  

So finding the right and perfect community is really about learning to love those you live with...which is sometimes the hardest thing of all to do!

Swift, Lord, you are not

A few years back I stumbled onto some poetry by a monk named Kilian McDonnell of St. John's Abbey in Minnesota.    The following poem is one of my favorites:

SWIFT, LORD, YOU ARE NOT
("Quickly God causes his blessing to flourish."  Sirach 11:22)

This is not my experience.
You are not God at the ready.

After you set off the big bang
you invented light years, dawdling.

Dispatch you dropped down
the nearest black hole.

After the pyrotechnics of the start
you looked away, sabbathed.

When I think you are raising your arm
to stretch it out like Moses
so I can prevail over the Amalekites,
it is biblical sleight of hand.

Actually, you're raising your arm 
to fix an arrow on your bow
aimed at some interstellar gases,
storms on the sun.

Think less of galaxies.
Think small.

Then without the heavy equipment,
stoop and hasten to help me.


I like it because it is so honest.  It fact most of Fr. Kilian's poetry is very honest.  It reminds me of the bold statement St. Theresa of Avila said to God, "If this is the way you treat your friends, it's no wonder you have so few!”


Most people I talk to who are discerning religious life also experience a less than swift journey. We generally want things to move on a little quicker than they do.  Ever since microwaves and remote controls were invented, our culture has had a harder time learning to wait.

I  often hear - "If God would just TELL me what to do..."    Honestly, if God just appeared and told us exactly what to do, how open would we really be?   It would be wonderful if we could all respond like Mary, "I am the handmaid of the Lord, be it done to me according to your word."  Often there is some sort of growth or maturing that has to take place before we can give our full fiat.  God knows that better than we do and so he has to be patient with us as well.  

My community likes to know a candidate for at least a year before she enters community.  That is to give time for proper discernment and to see if that first fervor actually lasts.  Our feelings can come and go and you have to observe them over the long haul to see what is lasting and what is not.

If God can wait through 15 billion years of the universe evolving to bring us to this time and place in history, then the least we can do is patiently let our discernment journey unfold before us.

Dog days of summer

I did some traveling last weekend to another Benedictine monastery where I had never been  - Annunciation Monastery in Bismarck, ND.  Perhaps not too many people would be excited about going to Bismarck, North Dakota, but I was.  I figured because it was further north,  it would be cooler than the 100 degree temps we had been experiencing in Missouri.

So when I got there I stepped out into...100 degree weather.  However, just like they say in Arizona, it's a dry heat.  Oh well.   The Benedictine hospitality, a lovely cruise on the Missouri River (between meetings) and watching a gorgeous sunset over the Missouri River valley made up for the hot weather.

This is our first summer in our renovated monastery here at Clyde.  We put in an updated HVAC system so now we actually have air conditioning in all of the rooms.   Previously, we had some select rooms with AC such as our refectory, chapel, library and some offices with computers.  In our old monastery temperatures would get up to 90 degrees on 3rd floor where most of our bedrooms were...and with a humidity of what felt like 99.9%!  I would spend most of my summer sleeping in a 1st floor guest room that was about 10 degrees cooler or on the floor of a room that had a window AC unit.

St. Benedict was mindful that summer heat could call for a change in the normal Rule.   In Chapter 40 - The Proper Amount of Drink he states, "The superior will determine when local conditions, work or the summer heat indicates the need for a greater amount."  (this was in the days when they drank mostly wine and so he also had to be concerned about his monks not becoming drunk...but then again Italians STILL drink a lot of wine.)  And in Chapter 41 - The Times for the Meals he states, "Indeed, the abbot may decide that they should continue to eat dinner at noon every day if they have work in the fields or if the summer heat remains extreme."  (this was in the day when the first meal would be about 3:00 in the afternoon on Wednesdays and Fridays because those were the days they fasted)   Apparently breakfast was not eaten centuries ago in Benedict's monastery...the first meal was at noon or mid- afternoon and was the only meal during certain seasons.  

Our sisters who entered in the 1940's and 50's were the tough ones of the bunch.  They talk of having to work out in the gardens in the hot sun picking beans wearing their full length black habits.   I guess since sun screen hadn't been invented, it at least kept their skin safe!

What we really need is rain.  Sadly, many of the farmers have no crops now after this extended drought.  Last August we had a terrible hail storm which wiped out many fields.  To have 2 years of crop failure is a hard thing to stomach.  

We are praying for cooler temps and much needed rain...

Holding the place of Christ...

We had another splendid monastic experience here at Clyde the first week in July.  Of course, it also happened to be one of hottest weeks we've had this summer.   When our visitor from Louisiana returned home, it was 10 degrees cooler than it was in Missouri...there is just something NOT right about that!    I guess the heat made me lethargic, I was unable to come up with a blog last week!  

The community did get a chance to taste authentic Cajun style red beans and rice with sausage.  Our Louisiana visitor helped me make some for our weekly free night.  Every time I turned my back she was adding more Cayenne pepper or Creole Seasoning.   "Stop it!", I would yell.   She would just shrug and smile...

It ended up being very good but was right on the edge of what I can tolerate for 'heat.'  What can I say?...I'm from the midwest, we don't make our meat and potatoes fire engine hot.   Our other Louisiana native, Sr. Maria Victoria, thought it was great, of course.  One poor sister (of Irish ancestry) took a sample not realizing it was a bit on the toasty side and only managed one mouthful.   Needless to say, it's good for we Clyde-ians to be exposed to new foods.

It is a busy July for us...we had the monastic experience, we celebrated the Solemnity of St. Benedict last Wednesday, and now we have an election for prioress (our equivalent to an abbot) this week.  St. Benedict says much about the abbot in his famous Rule.  Here is what he says in Chapter 2 - Qualities of the Abbot:

To be worthy of the task of governing a monastery, the abbot must always remember what 
his title signifies and act as superior should.  He is believed to hold the place of Christ in 
the monastery...

Now THAT is a daunting task if ever there was one...HOLDING THE PLACE OF CHRIST.   Who the heck can fit that bill?  Needless to say, not many members of a community readily jump at the chance to 'hold the place of Christ' as superior.   These are some of the qualities St. Benedict lists for a superior:

• Goodness of life and wisdom in teaching,
• learned in divine law, chaste, temperate, merciful
• prudent and one who avoids extremes
• strives to be loved instead of feared
• should not be excitable, anxious, obstinate, jealous and over suspicious
• arrange things so the strong have something to yearn for and the weak nothing to run from

I've never met a superior who had EVERY quality thought necessary for leadership of a monastery.   That person doesn't actually exist.  Well he did exist at one time on earth, Jesus was (and still is) his name.   


As Benedictines we choose to live under a prioress.  We choose to trust that the superior can mediate the will of God for us as she leads our community.  The key word is 'choosing to trust.'   We all want our superiors to be perfect and think like WE do.  One look at the people Jesus chose to hang out with lets us know that God does not pick perfect people or even people who get a long with each other to lead the flock.   They seemed to fight/compete among themselves a fair bit...poor Peter got called 'Satan' by Jesus...the flock has always been unruly and will continue to be so.


Ultimately God IS doing the leading no matter who the superior might be.

Surely knot I, Lord

In the midst of preparing for our Monastic Experience here at Clyde, MO this week, I ran across the following 'Knot prayer' which I think can be helpful when discerning:

Dear God:

Please untie the knots

that are in my mind,

my heart and my life.

Remove the have nots,

the can nots and the do nots

that I have in my mind.

Erase the will nots,

may nots, might nots that may find

a home in my heart.

Release me from the could nots,

would nots and 

should nots that obstruct my life.

And most of all,

Dear God,

I ask that you remove from my mind,

my heart and my life 

all of the ‘am nots’

that I have allowed to hold me back,

especially the thought

that I am not good enough.

Amen

Author known to God

This got me to thinking about how knotted up our lives can be and how many 'nots' we may let rule us.  We quite easily tie our knots by the choices we make.   Sometimes women feeling the call to religious life think they are not worthy or good enough because of past choices.  I tell them, "My dear,  EVERYBODY has a skeleton in their closet."

For some reason we forget that Jesus came to call sinners, not the righteous!

The biggest enemy to our spiritual life is the 'knots' and 'nots' in our minds and hearts as suggested in the prayer above.  Every "I am not or I can not...etc,"  ties a little knot in our mind re-inforcing the 'not'.   


I told God straight up when I first felt a call, "I canNOT do that."  


The father of one of our Sisters used to tell his daughters when they were young how nice it would be if one of them became a nun.  This Sister used to say, "Well it's NOT going to be me.  


I'm not quite sure how, but God did manage to untie that little 'not' in both of us to get us on the right path.   I suppose we had to let God grab both ends of the rope and untie.


So, God wants to know, are you going to let knots and nots rule your life??