Go forth now, if you can!

It’s been a quiet time in the Clyde blogosphere this past month.  My blog has suffered from inertia - that fundamental principle of classical physics:  ‘the resistance of any physical object to a change in its state of motion or rest, or the tendency of an object to resist any change in its motion.‘   So in other words, an unwritten blog tends to remain unwritten unless acted upon by an outside force.  I was traveling on some business trips for the congregation in January so that is my excuse for procrastinating.  :)

display in our hallway on Feb. 10th
 note sign under the umbrella

We just celebrated the Feast of St. Scholastica yesterday on February 10th.  She was the twin sister of St. Benedict.  We only know one little story about her from St. Gregory who wrote Benedict’s biography in his Dialogues - “The Life and miracles of St. Benedict.”   It states she was consecrated to God in early childhood and used to visit with him once a year.  On these occasions he would go down to meet her in a house belonging to the monastery a short distance from the entrance and there they would have conversation on the spiritual life and sing God’s praises.  

On this particular visit they stayed together until it was quite late.  Scholastica asked Benedict to stay on but he replied, “You know I cannot stay away from the monastery.”

When he refused, Scholastica folded her hands on the table and rested her head upon them in earnest prayer.  When she looked up again, there was a sudden burst of lightning and thunder accompanied by such a downpour that Benedict was unable to set foot outside the door.   The very instant she ended her prayer, the rain poured down.

This caused Benedict to complain bitterly, “God forgive you sister, what have you done?”

She answered, “When I appealed to you, you would not listen to me.  So I turned to my God and he heard my prayer.  Go forth now now if you can, leave me here and go back to your monastery.”  (So Benedict ends up staying and they both derived great profit from sharing their thoughts on the interior life)

I love this brother/sister dialogue...it reminds me of my growing up years with my own dear brothers.   I can almost hear Scholastica saying “nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah”...after she said, “Go forth now if you can...”

It is said that St. Scholastica was heard by God because ‘‘she loved more.”  In other words, she wasn’t worried about following the rule to be back in the monastery like Benedict was worried about.  She just wanted to continue the wonderful ‘God conversation’ they were having.  

We midwest farmer folk, especially in this time of drought, would love to be able to call down rain at will like Scholastica.   But the point of the story is not being able to summon weather at will, but about LOVE.  God always hears our prayers but our motivations are important.  

Prayers asked in love united to the will of God, will surely be answered.  Submitting to the will of God is the important part....and the hardest!  

We invite the monks of nearby Conception Abbey over for Vespers and supper every year on this day.   It's a great way for us to continue the tradition of Scholastica and Benedict sharing a meal and conversation.  I understand it snowed heavily one year (before I entered) and the monks couldn't make it over.  However, we had all this food prepared so a couple of the monks came over in a four-wheel drive pickup and we gave them the food we had ready.  So, we didn't feed their souls with conversation but we did still manage to feed their stomachs!

Star of Wonder

I love the Feast of the Epiphany.   In fact, I love it so much that I chose the name ‘Elaine’ to be added to ‘Ruth’ when I made First Profession so I could claim it as my Name/Feast Day.  We have the option of changing our names when we make Profession so I was considering what my name should be.   That meant I had to change my baptismal name of ‘Ruth’ to something else or add a middle name to ‘Ruth.’  I really didn’t want to totally change ‘Ruth’ because I had been called that the last 31 years of my life and wasn’t keen on getting used to something else.  So, I decided to try and find an appropriate middle name.

I had been considering choosing a name that would relate to one of three different feasts as I went through my 2nd year of novitiate.  I had narrowed it down to Pentecost, the Transfiguration and Epiphany.  What helped me choose Epiphany was a homily I heard during Mass on this feast.  The priest talked about how the Magi were searching for something and they had to travel in the dark in order to be guided by the light that caught their attention.  They were willing to put up with the hardships of desert travel and leave the security of their homes to embark on the search.  There was no guarantee of what they would find at the end of their search but they just knew they had to go looking.  

Those words struck me as so similar to my own spiritual seeking and journey to God.  I felt like I was in a ‘desert’ much of the time and traveling by night without a lot of light.  Yet I kept going.  I was constantly asking God for more light but seemed to be only getting what you can see in the ring of a dim flashlight when walking outside at night.  

So after pondering his homily I decided the Epiphany was meant to be my feast day.  I then had to find a name to connect with it.  The name ‘Epiphanata’ didn’t appeal to me or ‘Epiphania‘ or ‘Manifestina’  :)  

My last name is the fine German name of ‘Starman’ but I knew that wasn’t enough to make the cut for choosing the Epiphany as my nameday.   (I’ve often thought how cool it would have been to be an astronomer or astronaut with my name but God didn’t lead me down those paths)

I can honestly say the name ‘Elaine’ just kind of popped into my head one day as one to consider.  Somebody handed me a book of baby names where the meaning of each name is listed.  So I excitedly looked up ‘Elaine’ and to my delight found it to be a derivative of ‘Helen’ which means light.  So it all seemed to be very God inspired.  

I've always loved going out to look at the stars.  In my growing up years on the farm in Nebraska I would often head outdoors to walk down our lane and lay on my back and gaze at the constellations.   I suppose it's one reason I've always preferred living in the country, I don't have to go too far to get away from all the artificial light.

My journey can still often feel like I'm in the desert and I'm mostly in the dark.  But I do know that one has to lose the bright light of day in order to see the beauty of the stars at night...even if the dark is a little scarier.

Entering the chaos of our world

Here we are at 2013 already.   Praise the Lord, the Mayan calendar did not prove to be the end of the world as we know it as some were predicting!  (I wasn't too worried that it would.)  

Christmas was beautiful AGAIN here at the monastery in Clyde.  We decided many years ago to have our Midnight Mass earlier in the evening.  At first this was hard for our traditionalists, but I think most of us are glad to not have to go to bed at 2am anymore.  (We always serve refreshments to our guests afterward)  We haven't had guests in our chapel for Christmas for the past 2 years because of our renovation, but this year over 100 souls braved the cold weather to join us once again.  It's the only Mass during our year where we hear a lot more babies and little children rustling around in our choir stalls.  With organ, piano, harp and flute music filling our chapel - surely our Lord felt properly praised on the celebration of his incarnation!

Jesus is the Prince of Peace but the headlines tell us that it doesn't seem to be apparent to our world.  I read an article entitled "Why God?" by Maureen Dowd in the New York Times and would like to quote this small section from it - 

A contemporary theologian has described mercy as “entering into the chaos of another.” Christmas is really a celebration of the mercy of God who entered the chaos of our world in the person of Jesus, mercy incarnate. I have never found it easy to be with people who suffer, to enter into the chaos of others. Yet, every time I have done so, it has been a gift to me, better than the wrapped and ribboned packages. I am pulled out of myself to be love’s presence to someone else, even as they are love’s presence to me.

I will never satisfactorily answer the question “Why?” because no matter what response I give, it will always fall short. What I do know is that an unconditionally loving presence soothes broken hearts, binds up wounds, and renews us in life. This is a gift that we can all give, particularly to the suffering. When this gift is given, God’s love is present and Christmas happens daily.

May 2013 be the year we help Christmas happen daily!

Here is a poem for the beginning of the new year -

AT THE GATE OF THE YEAR
I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year

'Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.'

And he replied,
'Go into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God
That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way!'

So I went forth and finding the Hand of God
Trod gladly into the night
He led me towards the hills
And the breaking of day in the lone east.

So heart be still!
What need our human life to know
If God hath comprehension?

In all the dizzy strife of things
Both high and low,
God hideth his intention."

 by Minnie Louise Harkins 1875-1957

Beacons of Hope

It’s hard to write a blog after a horrible crime is committed.  Twenty-six people getting massacred, most of them little children, has cast a pall over our nation.  Ironically, the 3rd Sunday of Advent which we just celebrated is called Rejoice Sunday.  The reading from Philippians is especially appropriate to be read on this day:  

“Rejoice in the Lord always; I shall say it again, Rejoice!  Your kindness should be known to all.  The Lord is near.  Have no anxiety at all, but in everything with prayer and petition and thanksgiving, make your requests known to God.  Then the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

It was pretty hard to feel like rejoicing anywhere after learning what transpired in an elementary school in Connecticut on Friday.  There are no good answers to any questions we might have about why this happens - especially this one - how could God let this happen?  or where was God in all of this?

I do believe that what helps us ‘see’ God’s presence in all of this is when a father of a 6 year old girl who was killed can say, “I’m not angry...I’m sad.”  

...or when people gather to pray at Vigil services or make-shift shrines on the lawn of the local Catholic church.  

...or when prayers come in from children in Pakistan who can sympathize with the pain.

We have a custom of lighting a star on our water tower beginning the first Sunday of Advent until Epiphany.  As one of our local cooks said to a sister once, “ You sisters are that star to us.  You are a beacon of hope and goodness.”

I wandered out to look at that star this evening.  You can see it from the highway 3-4 miles away.  The ‘real’ stars were overhead in bright array.  I’m going to use an old cliche here but during the winter in Clyde, Missouri the stars are so bright you can reach out and touch them.  A small group of five of us ventured out last Thursday night to view the meteor shower from the top of our hill.  It was freezing cold but it was worth a few numb fingers to catch a glimpse of their beauty.    It is a beauty that is very short lived so one must be alert.  But many of them elicited 'oohs' and 'ahhs.'  Things that are most fragile are the most beautiful because we know they won’t last.  

It has to be dark for us to see the beauty of the stars.  Too much light hides the beauty during the day.   

The only way to survive the darkness in our lives is to be beacons of hope to each other.  And that is where God will make himself known.  

Advent is not about the shopping days left

I love the season of Advent.   I have come to appreciate and understand it more since I entered the monastery 19 years ago.   Before that, I was aware the month before Christmas was called Advent but I really didn’t pay much attention to it.  There was some thing called a Jesse Tree in church (a dead tree branch with what I couldn’t tell - hanging on it)...maybe an Advent wreath...but  Advent was more about the shopping days left until Christmas instead of anticipating the Messiah.  Plus you could watch a 24 hour marathon of “It’s a Wonderful Life” or “The Christmas Story” on TNT on what is now known as Black Friday.  

That all changed after I became a postulant.  The first adjustment I had to get used to is NO decorating for Christmas before Dec. 17th.  That was the monastic way of trying to keep Advent as Advent.  I was used to a world of 24 hour Christmas music; putting up the tree shortly after Thanksgiving (so you could enjoy it longer - somehow it doesn’t occur to people to keep the tree up longer AFTER Christmas for that same reason); hanging lights all over the house; shopping for presents...it seemed a little scrooge-like to not anticipate Christmas like the secular world I was used to.  So,  over the years I would put up little things in the privacy of my bedroom where no one would see.  I would have my little nativity set on the top of my bookshelf by Dec. 6th.   Sometimes I would even turn on the lights in my window before the specified day to which novices (whom I should have been setting a better example for)...would shake their heads.  

It was when I began to experience Advent as a liturgical season that I grew to love it for its own sake.  I fell in love with the daily readings at Mass, especially the ones from Isaiah which are so prevalent and speak of deserts blooming and the blind seeing and the lame leaping. 

As a postulant I discovered a book that I have since gone back to many times called “The Reed of God” by Caryll Houselander.  She describes Advent as “the season of the secret - the secret of the growth of Christ - of Divine Love growing in silence...if we truly have given our humanity to be changed into Christ, (that’s what I thought I was doing by entering a monastery) it is essential to us that we do not disturb this time of growth.  It is a time of darkness, of faith.  We shall not see Christ’s radiance in our lives, yet; it is still hidden in our darkness.  Nevertheless, we must believe that He is growing in our lives and believe it so firmly that we cannot help relating everything, literally everything, to this incredible reality...”

“...We are too impatient, a seed contains all the life and loveliness of the flower but it contains it in a little hard black pip of a thing which even the glorious sun will not enliven unless it is buried under the earth.  There must be a period of gestation before anything can flower.”

I know in my own life I want to go straight to flowering.  Skip the gestation or keep it short!  Advent reminds me every year that is not how the Holy Spirit works. 

Rosa knocks on the chapel door during
the ritual for entering postulants

We had the happy event of having Rosa Cruz enter the postulancy on December 2nd, the first Sunday of Advent.  A fitting time to begin religious life, I think.  Advent marks the beginning of the new Church Year and the postulancy a beginning in monastic life.  Both events are filled with expectancy, eagerness, and the joyful hope that God's promises to us will be fulfilled.

And by the way...I am getting much better about waiting until Dec. 17th to decorate for Christmas, even in the privacy of my own bedroom, over the past 19 years!

Thanksgiving and Black Friday at the Convent

Usually the Wednesday before Thanksgiving is full of hustle and bustle in our convent kitchen.   Different sisters sign up to make some particular item for the meal itself.   In years past I have volunteered to make the turkeys.  We used to do four  twenty-four pounders back when we had 50 – 60 sisters here.   Have you ever tried to stick 24 pounds of fowl into an oven bag?  

It is extremely hard to do by yourself.  I would holler at whoever happened to be passing by to help out.  This year, however, a  friend of the community donated smoked turkeys for our meal.   We also had the usual traditional meal:  mashed potatoes, cranberries, stuffing and of course pumpkin or pecan pie. I am grateful that God has called so many women who are good cooks to our monastery!

Some of the sisters watch the Macy’s parade in the morning and football in the afternoon.   Probably a good many of us took a nap sometime between doing dishes and Vespers.  You  may have heard that eating turkey makes you sleepy because it contains the amino acid L-Tryptophan.   I must admit it’s very handy in our cyber age to be able to ‘google’ things to see if they are accurate or not.   I’m not sure I would have sauntered over to the local library to check into that.  My query produced an article that says turkey has no more tryptophan than other foul and slightly less than chicken.   When was the last time you ate a chicken breast and felt sluggish?   So, another myth bites the dust.

Sisters on Black Friday hurrying into
chapel instead of the stores!

Do we go shopping on Black Friday?  Are you kidding?  One would have to be nuts to go shopping on Black Friday!  Every Friday (and for that matter, every day) is black for us, it’s the color of our ‘habits!’  

I just read on nbcnews.com where a record 247 million shoppers opened their wallets this weekend.  Online shopping on Black Friday topped 1 billion dollars.  Sadly, stores are now opting to be open on Thanksgiving instead of waiting for Friday for their sales.    It’s when I read this stuff that I am especially glad I live in a monastery or I might be caught up in that same nonsense.  In the future is Thanksgiving dinner just going to be what you drop in for between your shopping trips to the stores?

The Friday after Thanksgiving is always a leisure day at our place.  So my black Friday consisted of a nice relaxing morning after Lauds and Mass and then I watched my Nebraska football team beat Iowa.  (It would have been a black Friday indeed if they had lost!)  I followed that with a walk in the brisk air (the wind chill was around 15 degrees) that afternoon with one of my sisters.  Now I tell you, does that not beat getting up before the crack of dawn to go stand in line with other people at your local Wal-Mart?   Lest I forget, one of the best things about the Friday after Thanksgiving is the left-overs!  

One of the best things about Thanksgiving is that it means Advent is just around the corner.  Advent has become my favorite liturgical season.  I especially love the readings from Isaiah in the liturgies.  They are full of hope which is something our world needs these days! 

Gambling and a widow's mite

As a good Benedictine I’m trained in lectio divina.  The danger of doing lectio every day with scripture is that over the years, the stories become very familiar.  So familiar in fact, that while I may read them and listen to them as they are read, I can often tune them out.  So as I settled into my ‘lectio chair’ early this morning, I had to consciously tell myself to “pay attention!”

I spent time with the 1st and 2nd reading from the Sunday liturgy and then turned my attention to the Gospel reading from Mark.  It’s the familiar story of the widow’s mite:

And He sat down opposite the treasury, and began observing how the people were putting money into the treasury; and many rich people were putting in large sums.  A poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which amount to a cent. Calling His disciples to Him, He said to them, “Truly I say to you, this poor widow put in more than all the contributors to the treasury; for they all put in out of their surplus, but she, from her poverty, has contributed all she had, her whole livelihood.”

I was struck with that last phrase, “her whole livelihood”.  As a vocation director, I often think it terms of discernment - it’s a job hazard.   I thought to myself that in a sense, 19 years ago I had given up my whole livelihood and tossed it into the ‘treasury’, a.k.a. religious life in my case.   My livelihood at that time was my job, a car, (luckily I didn’t own a house) and I moved away from dear friends and family.   I didn’t know when I entered that I would make it.  I would have to start over again if I didn’t.  I wasn’t a destitute widow as in our Gospel but I was stepping into a great big unknown.   In my more dramatic moments it was like stepping into the great abyss.

Entering religious life is a gamble.  I have gambled with my life instead of playing the ponies or heading to the nearest Riverboat Casino.  (which for us is 45 miles away on the Missouri River near St. Joseph, not that I’ve ever stopped, but I have passed the sign!)  Who knows what I may have done, the places I would have traveled to or who I may have married had I not followed those whisperings I heard in my heart from God.  

I have put my whole life down on the bet that God is worth my walking this monastic journey.  A whole lot of people would say that wasn’t a very good wager.  I suppose I won’t know for sure until I’m dead, but I’d rather put my trust in God than in anyone else...especially in politicians!

So if you are discerning religious life, a question I have for you is:  are you willing to hand over your whole livelihood and put it in the 'treasury'.  Are you willing to gamble and bet on God?  He is PROBABLY holding a Royal Flush in his hand so he WILL win in the end!